Retirement and Your Relationship

As you and your partner approach retirement, you may have an idyllic vision of what your retirement will be. As with most life changes, the transition into retirement may come with challenges. To avoid bumps in the road that can create conflict in your relationship, spend time with your partner to set your individual and combined retirement goals.

Timing of Retirement

Partners may not retire at the same time for a variety of reasons: age differences, early retirement package offers, or a variety of financial considerations. One partner may decide to retire from their job much earlier than the other but may decide to embark on a new career fulfilling their dream. Alternatively, they may be enjoying their newly found free time by taking courses, volunteering, or filling their days reading, exercising, visiting with friends, and working on projects they’ve been putting off. While they may be fulfilling their retirement goals, the other partner may feel left behind.

Couples who retire at around the same time tend to both adjust to retirement more smoothly. If you have feelings of resentment regarding retirement plans, have open discussions with your partner and seek professional support if you continue to experience negative emotions.

Communication About Retirement Values and Goals

It’s important that couples plan and prioritize their individual retirement goals, but also to spend time discussing their shared values, desires, and goals. For example, if one partner has visions of hiking across Europe or skiing in the Alps and the other wants to spend time at home reading and gardening, it can be challenging if you haven’t discussed these goals beforehand. Open and honest communication about retirement expectations, both as individuals and as a couple is essential.

Having these conversations before retirement begins can reduce future conflict and allows couples to make plans that are mutually fulfilling. For example, travelling to Europe together may work, if both partners are interested and can compromise. One partner may plan day trip hikes with a tour group, while the other lounges in cafés reading or visiting museums. Meeting up at the end of the day for dinner and discussing each other’s experiences can be satisfying for both partners as they both can reach their goals.

Set Boundaries

An issue faced by many couples in retirement is balancing how much time is spent together as a couple and how much time is spent separately. One partner may want to do everything together, while the other wants time alone, time with their own friends, or working on personal hobbies. If the other partner tries to participate in those hobbies or outings with friends, conflict can occur.

It’s important for couples to have conversations about their personal boundaries and establish a balance between togetherness and personal time. Setting boundaries helps couples protect their personal time, allowing them to enjoy their couple time together.

Household Chores and Tasks

Rather than assuming that household chores will be managed in the same way as in pre-retirement, it’s important to discuss who will be responsible for different chores. If a newly retired partner doesn’t pick up more chores, they may be resented; however, the opposite can also be true. A partner who suddenly starts taking on household tasks without discussing it first (e.g., paying bills, banking, maintenance, cooking all the meals) may be resented for taking over the other’s responsibilities.

Have open and honest discussions and decide together who will be responsible for which tasks. Be flexible and make changes to your plans if needed.

Prepare for Emotional Changes

Some people experience feelings of depression, a sense of having no purpose, or a loss of identity when they retire. Even though you and your partner may have taken all the steps to prepare for this stage in your life, one of you may still experience these negative feelings. If you aren’t the one experiencing these feelings, you may struggle to understand why your partner is experiencing these emotions. You may have happily handed in your timecard and smoothly transitioned into retirement, while your partner still longs for the days of going off to work every day.

Seek support if you or your partner seems to be struggling with this life transition. Retirement can be everything you dreamed of you may just need a little guidance and support to get there.