How to Tell Your Child About Your Separation or Divorce

When parents decide to separate, telling their children is one of the most challenging tasks. No matter how uncomfortable it may feel, having this conversation is essential to providing the support children need to navigate the confusion and emotions that come with such news.

If possible, both parents should talk to their children together. This approach reassures them that, despite the separation, they are not being abandoned—both parents will continue to be part of their lives.

Don't Wait Until the Last Minute

Tell your children about the separation as soon as you have made a firm decision and set a date for when one parent will move out. This gives them time to adjust. However, sharing the news too far in advance, before final decisions are made, can create uncertainty and prolong anxiety.

Be Honest but Keep It Simple

Children don’t need to know every detail. Provide a clear but age-appropriate explanation of why the separation is happening. You can say that you and your partner have grown apart, no longer love each other in the same way, or that one of you has met someone else.

You also have the right to maintain privacy, especially with older children who may ask more probing questions. Remind them that everyone, including them, deserves personal boundaries.

Provide Direct and Honest Answers

Children will have questions and need to know they can ask them freely. Let them know they will receive truthful, reassuring answers. It is easier for children to process reality than to deal with fears or assumptions, which can be more distressing than the truth.

Be patient if they ask the same questions repeatedly—this is how they process the information and come to terms with the change. Keep your responses clear, simple, and consistent.

Give Them the Specifics

Children feel more secure when they understand what will happen next. Be clear about the practical details, such as:

• Which parent will be moving out

• When the parent is leaving

• Where the parent will live

• Where the children will live

• What the custody and visitation arrangements will be

Acknowledge Their Feelings

Separation or divorce can feel like a loss to children, affecting their sense of security. In addition to sadness, they may experience anger, guilt, or fear of abandonment. Be sensitive to their emotions and encourage them to express their feelings. Let them know that whatever they are feeling is valid and that it is okay to talk about it.

Avoid Conflict in Front of the Children

Research shows that children of divorced parents can be just as emotionally and psychologically healthy as those in stable households—as long as they are not exposed to ongoing parental conflict.

It is crucial to keep children out of disagreements. While separation and divorce are painful, children can heal from the emotional impact. However, witnessing frequent conflict between parents can leave lasting scars.

Reassure Your Children

At a time of significant change, children need to hear consistent reassurances. Make sure they understand:

• The separation is not their fault; they did nothing to cause it.

• Even if their parents no longer love each other, they will always love their children and be there for them.

• Their parents loved each other when they decided to have children and wanted them very much.

• Their parents will continue to keep them safe and provide for them.

Seek Professional Help If Needed

If your child shows signs of distress following the separation—such as withdrawing from friends, experiencing eating or sleeping problems, or displaying significant behavioural changes—consider seeking professional support.