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Mindfulness and Emotions: Embracing Emotions
Embracing difficult emotions with curiosity, openness, acceptance, and love helps reduce their intensity and fosters emotional well-being.
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When struggling with mental health symptoms, it is common to feel resistance towards uncomfortable emotions. Let’s be honest, who wants to feel sad, angry, or anxious? However, it’s really important to learn to embrace and accept these feelings as a part of human experience. Think of emotions like a baby, if it’s crying out, and no one is paying it attention and addressing its needs, the crying will just get louder and more urgent. The same is true with emotions, if we continue to suppress and ignore our emotions, they will become louder and stronger over time.
It can be helpful to think of all emotions as important pieces of yourself that are there to protect you. Sadness might encourage you to seek out social support or take some time to yourself to rest. Anxiety might be trying to protect you from discomfort or perceived threats. Anger might encourage you to fight for yourself and/or protect your space. Though it can be uncomfortable to feel these emotions, giving them space can be helpful in soothing these emotions and reducing their intensity long-term.
Taking an Attitude of Mindful Awareness
As described in Dr. Daniel Siegel’s book “The Mindful Brain”, approaching mindfulness and self-reflection with an attitude of Curiosity, Openness, Acceptance, and Love (COAL) will help foster a non-judgmental approach.
C – Curiosity
Take the approach of a child exploring something for the first time. Consider saying to yourself “I wonder what I’ll find if I take a look at this difficult emotion”.
O – Openness
Be open to whatever comes up. You’re not the expert in what’s happening if you haven’t yet explored it. Every day, every experience, may bring something new or nuanced that you weren’t expecting. So be open to whatever you will find each time you choose to be curious about an emotion.
A – Acceptance
Practice accepting what is in each moment. It may not be something that you like, but it is the reality of that moment. Perhaps in 2 minutes, or 2 days, that experience might change. Or, maybe it will always be the same. But practice acknowledging your current findings for what they are in each moment.
L – Love
Send love, kindness, and self-compassion to the emotion. Imagine holding it or perhaps send it comforting message. Part of sending it love is acknowledging that it’s there to serve a purpose and help you in some way.
Some examples of how to give difficult emotions space:
Take a moment to “ask” the emotion – “What are you trying to tell me?” – If an answer is present (i.e., feeling lonely is trying to tell me I need to connect more, or being scared for an upcoming evaluation is trying to prepare me for difficult feedback), consider how you can try to soothe that need (i.e., reach out to a friend, or take a moment to prepare for, or think about the evaluation).
Explore with curiosity how that emotion lives within your body. Where do you feel anger or sadness? How does anxiety impact your breath or heart rate? Be careful to not judge the body’s response and instead, just observe how it is. It can be helpful to remind yourself that emotions will not harm you, so taking the time to feel them is safe.
Practice accepting the emotion for what it is in that moment. Oftentimes, people will experience secondary emotions from the initial emotional response. For example, feeling anxious about being anxious or feeling ashamed about being depressed. By changing your relationship with emotions through acceptance, that secondary emotion can be soothed, lessening its intensity. You may do this by saying something to yourself like: “Wow, I feel really anxious right now.” The acknowledgment that this is just the present experience is important as the emotion may be experienced differently in 1 minute, 1 hour, or 1 day from now. Part of acceptance is recognizing your experience in that moment, nothing can change what is already present, but that doesn’t mean it won’t change in the upcoming moments.
Resources
Your Mind Is What Your Brain Does for a Living: Learn How to Make It Work for You eBook : Fogel, Steven Jay, Rosin, Mark: Amazon.ca: Kindle Store
References
Greenberg, L. S. (2015). Emotion-focused therapy: Coaching clients to work through their feelings (2nd ed.). American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/14692-000
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2011). Acceptance and commitment therapy: The process and practice of mindful change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. William Morrow.
Segal, Z. V., Williams, J. M. G., & Teasdale, J. D. (2018). Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy for depression (2nd ed.). Guilford Press
Siegel, D. J. (2007). The mindful brain: Reflection and attunement in the cultivation of well-being. W. W. Norton & Company.
